Life is not played out in 140 characters
It’s a thought that’s been whirring around my mind for a while now as I’ve been watching the social media channels fill up with 140 character messages, status updates, wall posts, blog comments and image uploads and I’ve started to realise that too many people don’t seem to mind that they’re playing their lives out on computer screens or through their smart-phones.
I appreciate that the very fact you’re reading this demonstrates that we’re both playing a part in the same side show but hopefully by the end of this you’ll take the thought away that all your energy and raison d’etre should be channeled into forming close relationships and holding direct communications with all who you feel worthy of your time.
It was a year ago when I first registered for Twitter. Like you I didn’t know anybody. I watched, listened and began to engage in conversation. After a while I realised that I was often communicating with the same people, sometimes in replies and other in direct messages. They were my new online friends and I had made it. I was in! Or was I?
The question I’m asking is are replies and DM’s in 140 characters the basis of a proper relationship? I think, and hope, not! I’m not advocating that we don’t converse across the social media landscape but that once the communication channels are open and we have mutually agreed (personally and professionally) that we want to carry on our dialogue that we occasionally (as occasionally as possible) use the old fashioned way of picking up the telephone or arranging to meet and talk.
There is no doubt that through social communication I now have some of the best relationships I’ve ever had in my near 40 years. There are many I meet with, some I call, a few I email and plenty I ’140′ with. I have some I call my best friends and others who I share business interests (a few are both). This level of relationship cannot be formed in soundbites or snippets of communication.
I NEED to talk to people. Others NEED to talk to me. You’ll be amazed with what happens when we do this. When you see people smile, get angry, passionate, excited, interested or just good old listening then you feel part of them and part of what you’re both trying to achieve.
If we all (the social media early adopters) start to facilitate this change across our wider networks then the whole experience will be a better one for all. This includes businesses too. if we use Twitter as the example organisations want to engage with their communities. What better process is there than connecting in the stream; talking and engaging with them and then moving towards direct contact in the form of face-to-face or at least telephone. My guess is that things might just happen if they do.
There is nothing wrong with those who enjoy the flood of activity across all social networks. Many may get exactly what they want but there is a tidal wave of opinion forming that is taking us back to the beginning – a more ‘touchy feely’ approach if you like.
By all means get in there to engage and chat but please don’t play the 140 game only. It really is good to talk.
NOTE: The following is an addition from one of the comments on this article. It came from Jo Porritt (@brandguardian). It’s so incisive and to the point that I felt it had to be added.
…
make it 140 calls
make it 140 meets
make it 140 plans for actions
make it 140 of us coming together to facilitate the change
make it 140 brave ideas
make it 140 reasons to say yes not no140 is all good, dont just leave it at the characters though
nuff said, Chris my friend…now is the time!
What are your thoughts?
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Totally agree, although I feel that I should be telling you that by phone rather than adding this comment
Haha – This is true Stuart, but at least you and I already operate in all communication environments. Our relationship is all the better because of the times we met.
make it 140 calls
make it 140 meets
make it 140 plans for actions
make it 140 of us coming together to facilitate the change
make it 140 brave ideas
make it 140 reasons to say yes not no
140 is all good, dont just leave it at the characters though
nuff said, Chris my friend
now is the time
You know what Jo, I might add that to the post. Incisive – Intelligent – Direct! what a great comment
So very well said, Chris. It makes me so happy to hear more and more voices nowadays emphasising the importance of relationships over numbers in social media. Hopefully that means that the initial hysteria is coming to an end and we can get on with forming deeper, richer relationships with the people we have met online.
One thing I have noticed is that the majority of people I have proper conversations with on Twitter are people that I have actually met. Twitter then becomes a way for furthering our relationship which has already started with an old fashioned face to face. I then make an effort to meet face to face with the people I have only met online, as I know that that will cement the relationship in a way that purely online conversation never will.
We can all be keyboard heroes, opining about this and that in 140ch, but as you quite rightly point out, its just not as satisfying as seeing a face, the body language, the wholesome satisfaction of making a new acquaintance. This is very much a theme over the last 48hrs, with @scottgould trying to work out how to fix the Social Media Conference issue, and @lesanto, just this morning “We like web pages that are intelligent, but we love people more…..And this is why it is going to be so damn hard to direct sell anything to anyone via social media. Because that isn't what it does best.”
Chris – tried to call but your post has obviously been too successful in getting peeps to pick up the phone!
Just joking, but you make key points. My only small caveat would be that I simply don't have enough time to see or even chat to every single contact and – if email or Twitter is my sole opportunity to connect at any given time – than I do feel that it is better to connect thus than not to connect at all?
Evil newspaper exec OH (<—viz shorthand used in 140 char msgs…) is a Twitter-phobic, glass half-full, slightly cynical type (but he's lovely really…..) –
No surprises then that he was convinced I was cyber-flirting all day with axe-wielding nutters….
He was horrified when I first mentioned the possibility of actually meeting up in real life with any of these dangerous stalkers….
Nevertheless, I stuck to my guns and guess what? relationships I already knew were constructive, positive and fun on-line turned out to be exactly the same – but to the power of 10 – IRL.
We are all busy bees. Hence the reason that banging out 140 chars can often seem more convenient than picking up the phone or trying to co-ordinate a face to face drink. But making that effort – as you articulate so well above – is always, always worthwhile.
BTW, just put down my own phone after hour long conversation with one of my very first ever Twitter mates @MrRickWaghorn (or @Addiply as he can now be found).
Keep up the good work!
Dee
@deejackson
Yep.
Right on.